Offer Me Solutions, Offer Me Alternatives

The end of poker as we know it.

DURRRRRR

(or, Bink!)

(or, Knish, a Biopic)

Years & years ago,

when I first conceived this project,

I wrote in my poker journal:

“Sunglasses should be banned.

Be a man (or a woman) and don’t give in to all that sunglasses bullshit. I can’t be intimidated by the dudes and dudettes in sunglasses—I just can’t. Alan Goerhing—I like him, I think I might respect him if I were to play against him, but only in spite of his goofy Darth Vader/nursing home sunglasses. Not because of them. He’s random when he plays. That’s more intimidating than the most reflective Oakleys in Chris Moneymaker’s nightstand.

Take charge of the look. Get rid of the sunglasses. Or—you know what—better yet, have the sunglasses and use them. Make the sunglasses character one of your characters. Be aware of what it means to be wearing sunglasses. What your opponent thinks of you when you are wearing them versus when you are not. Give them more to think about. Turn them into the field goal kicker and then ice them to death.

I think sunglasses might lead to the end of poker. If everyone were to be covered in tinted glass from head to toe, we might as well all be playing online. Shouldn’t it be important that players know how to control their fucking eyes at the poker table? Jesus Christ.

“You can’t call your book DURRRRRR. Thomas “durrrr” Dwan III copyrighted himself in the Year of Our Lord, twentyoughtsix.”

“That’s ridiculous. Tom Dwan only had four r’s in his screen name. My Durrrrrr has 50% more r’s.”

“Because you’re 50% more re****ed.”

“& not a vampire. & not gay.”

Tom Dwan is neither homosexual nor a vampire. Not that there’s anything wrong with either of those things.”

£ They are not folding. They are not folding. They are not folding. They didn’t come here to fold